So, it's been nearly six months since I last posted a journal. I can't believe it's been half a year already...

My fitness has been going great, better than expected, really. I think that mostly has to do with the choices I've made in the last six months. I quit college to join the military. The Air Force to be specific. I've been training with the DE's (Delayed Entries) and it's been one of the hardest, physical, things I've ever been through.

It's kind of funny... Most people I know watch the program and say it looks like hell. However, once you've done it a few times, you can't get enough! Yes it is very, very demanding but the sense of pride and competition make it well worth it.

I've never been through anything that has changed me so fast. I'm hopeful for how this will turn out. But until then I'll wake up sore every morning as a constant motivation.

I have a few new photos to update with. I'll try and get them up when I can, I've just been so busy lately. Hopefully I'll find some free time to work on my artistic side of life.

It's offically been a week, how exciting. There isn't a huge change, but enough to notice. I notice it anyway. I'm just the littlest bit stronger, and I've gained a few pounds of muscle weight.

Not a huge change in the way I look yet, but I can feel a change. My guess is there won't be a huge noticable change till around the fifth to eigth week.

I changed my diet a little, it's mostly fiber and protein now. Pretty easy to work with, and the foods not so bad. However, I have very little sugar and my blood sugar levels have dropped a little, so I need to get that fixed.

One down, fifteen to go!

So here it is, Sundy November 17th, the day before my sixteen week journy.

For the past few years all I've been hearing is how I need to assert myself, which I happen to agree with lately. I've been avoiding reality for some time, but it's hard to do anymore when it's screaming in my face.

I found this program online that looks fantastic. It's a four month self implimented boot camp, that I plan to begin tomorrow, November 18th. The program is dedicated to reforming yourself into peak physical condition and health. I know that if I put myself through this, things will be easier and life will get better for many reasons.

I've been dealing with too many health problems with my family recently. My mother was just diagnosed with diabetes, and I'm hoping putting myself into the best health I can might be some motivation for her too.

I'll be keeping updates week by week, most likely. I'll be doing this just for anyone that may be curious and, more likely, to keep myself motivatied. I'm pretty excited, even though I know this will be hard, and hurt, I'm ready!

Eighteen years of the same backward steps, it's time for a change for sure! Wish me luck!

So the other day I asked my friend to critique a picture for me...

His responce wasn't what I was expecting. He flat out told me he couldn't. I asked why, and he told me that real critique is limited to ability. I appreciated the answer, but it got me thinking a little too much.

The past few days I've been dreaming again. My dreams, lately, have been these beautiful, epic, events. I know that I will never have the skill in life to recreate them in any media. So what does that really mean? These dreams are things I would like everyone to see, but the only one that ever will, will be myself.

I am the one creating these dreams, does that mean they are beyond my ability to create because I can not recreate them; or am I just limited to my unconsious mind? I'm fairly sure that constitutes grounds for madness.

Frustreated with all this thinking, I set my away message. "Call me if something amazing happens.", and went to bed. Six AM I get a call by one of my close friends. She told me, "The sun rose today."

I found the whole thing to be fitting and ironic at the same time. Maybe I just look into things way too much. None the less, I'm anything but bored.